you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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