Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
