I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
