What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
