oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
