I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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