We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
