Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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