My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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