I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
