I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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