hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
