she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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