I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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