I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
