if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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