Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
