She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
