pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
