I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i came on her dog
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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