oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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