lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
