peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
