Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
