he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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