We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
