I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
