I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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