Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
