Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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