my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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