smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
even my farts smell like vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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