Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
