I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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