Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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