Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
