A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
