Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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