Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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