i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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