the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
