The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
People in love make me want to vomit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
