And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize