I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize