Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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