every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
