i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
