In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
