Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
