so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
