I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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