I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
