i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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