I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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