i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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