i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
