im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
