I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
