Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize