Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
