She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
