I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
