WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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