Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently you make a good broom.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
