the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
