i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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