woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
