8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
