You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
