i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
