You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
