I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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