Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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