apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
