i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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