Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
