I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
