so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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