either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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