I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
