I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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