Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
