Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
